Comedy, Chess, and the Most Amazing Friends on Earth

Last night I went to see Einstein Simplified for the first time in weeks. Frank and Paul were sent on a quest to retrieve Eminem's smelly second sock from K2. Those are the kinds of cards you are dealt when you base your show on audience suggestions. So, anyway...We couldn't figure out what the hell Frank was talking about, why he was bringing up Oak Ridge while Paul was talking about sherpas. When Paul finally figured out that Frank had K2 confused with the K25 nuclear plant in nearby Oak Ridge (which I didn't even know existed), he made fun of him in such a way that made the whole audience lose it. Michelle and I couldn't breath. And we weren't the only ones in need of oxygen tanks.
After the show, I stopped off in Cup 'O' Joe to watch some men play chess. Met Seed, Theo, and Scotty and sat in awe of their abilities. I was tempted to yell "Bingo" while they were reciting board locations. Their rapid-fire lingo was reminiscent of what you'd expect to hear if Alvin and the Chipmunks joined Mensa. I felt like a retard. "Wait, could you please repeat those last ten moves that you said would have happened if you'd moved that there piece over yonder please? And go slow please. What? Oh yeah, that piece can't move diagonal....right!" My brain hadn't felt so numb since I'd crashed after being coked up from ingesting a box of Vivarin. Hey, at least it wasn't accompanied by a kidney infection this time.
Theo kept challenging me to a game. $1 bet. Told him that I didn't want to become a pauper anytime soon.
When I finally decided to give my brain a break, I got to my car and picked up my phone only to realize I'd missed five calls. Had three voice mails from younger Matt, Vincent, and Katie. When Katie figured out I hadn't listened to her voice mail yet, she made me listen to it and then call her back. What a punk. But she had a point. She said I wouldn't believe what she had the guts to say on there. She better be glad I didn't have her on speakerphone in an evangelical gathering. I called Vincent.
V: "Where are you?"
Me: "Driving."
V: "Then come over."
He practically ordered me over to his place! That was pretty funny. Took me completely by surprise. So I stayed over there until 2:30 in the morning hanging out and helping him compose a high-brow message to his ex. Vincent's been such a great friend here lately. So many compliments and such. Thanks Voodazz. Blush.
Didn't call younger Matt back last night, but he just called again. Said he was worried when I repeatedly didn't answer my phone last night. Told him about comedy and chess, and he asked if I snapped at the chess guy again. What a brat. Yes it was the same guy, but I said that I doubt that he remembers that. Matt begged to differ so now I'll have to apologize to Theo the next time I see him. "I'm sorry for snapping at you. I wasn't upset at you. Just wanted to kill my little brother is all."
He invited me to his parent's place for Thanksgiving. He said they suggested it after he told them that my family is in Texas. Kate left a message yesterday afternoon apologizing for not inviting me to her inlaw's house when I was talking to her the other day, saying that they are really stressed right now. I was cool with not doing anything tomorrow. Was planning on reading and relaxing and then spending dinner with Chaunda's family on Friday. Kate knew that but still apologized. She's killing me. They're all killing me. I truly am blessed with the best collection of friends anyone could ask for. They amaze me. How I got so lucky I'll never know. Thanks everyone. I love you all.

Recent Reads

Last night I spoke to Kate and Chaunda. It was good to catch up with Kate. Chaunda has invited me to do Thanksgiving dinner with her family. What an angel!
Then I curled up with The Know-It-All: One Man's Humble Quest to Become the Smartest Person in the World by A.J. Jacobs. It's about his endeavor to read all of the volumes of the Encyclopedia Brittanica, all forty-four million words, and it's shelved in the humor section because of its ever-present self-effacing wit. I'm learning some esoteric facts along the way, like that caffeine's effects were first noticed by a goatherder in his animals. I can already tell that I'm going to miss this book as soon as I'm finished with it. It's that much fun. And educational to boot.
Recently I finished one Complete Idiot's Guide and one Dummies book. I've always been curious about these low-brow volumes. Consider it a comparative analysis of sorts. But actually you can primarily consider them my lazy attempts to learn about Nazi history and World War II. The Dummies book was interesting in that it included ten important people, ten important weapons, and ten what ifs of the war. Other than that, its numerous grammatical errors made it lucky that I didn't toss it out the window. The Complete Idiot's Guide to Nazi History was a well-written AND well-edited read. Before those I read a book older Matt loaned me. We have very similar tastes in books. The Last Face You'll Ever See: The Private Life of the American Death Penalty by Ivan Solotaroff wasn't anything special. Older Matt thought it relied too heavily on slang and other informal language. I didn't notice an overabundance of either. The book attempts to bring executioners out of the shadows. That could make for a fascinating book of interviews blended with facts. However, the book fell flat on its face. Dreary accounts of boring lives. And not much I didn't already know. A big letdown.

Throw the Book at 'Em

Here are some interesting book titles I saw yesterday.

1. Tequila Mockingbird
2. The Nerd Who Loved Me
3. Royally Jacked
4. Life in the Fat Lane

They needed to be thrown at the two women who weren't supervising their precious little girls, allowing them to do NASCAR-like laps around the children's section last night. They had the audacity to glare at me when I kindly told the girls to please stop running in the store.
Last night I was Dr. Ruth for one friend and a rantwriter for another. Dealt with both sides of the equation that is love. An equation that's totally out of balance in my life.

Pathetic

Ok, I am way too much of a perfectionist at work. All I've got to do is figure out how many books were purchased, how many were donated, and how many went missing this year. I could just guess at some things, but, no, I'm tormenting myself. The problem is I can't figure out whether some books were ever counted because I can't remember if my first count was by hand - it had to be though since there was no other way I could have done it two years ago. Also some books are newly catalogued but have been here forever so I'm trying to figure out if they were in the original count or last year's count. Oh the joys of my job. Oh the pains of being too much of a anal-retentive perfectionist at it. I'm so opposite away from work. I need to reverse the behaviors. Definitely.

Socks

Add socks to my list of free things I've gotten from a mystery shop. Cute little black socks. Pretty cool. Anything free is cool. I dropped by the office to file the sock shop and print up instructions for survey sessions at wireless companies. Each survey session will pay $35. I'm going to do one today and one tomorrow. I worked last night at the bookstore and will be working there again tomorrow night. My Launch station just played Sunrise by Norah Jones. Now it's playing my anthem, Express Yourself by Madonna. Great way to kick off the evening! I'm out of here...

What the Bleep Do We Know?

Tuesday night I had to recover from being up so late the night before. Wednesday night was Scrabble and my reality show addiction, The Bachelor. Last night I decided to treat myself to a movie at the artsy theater I love. The choice was between I Heart Huckabees, a film I've read praise of, and something praised by Time Magazine and the Los Angeles Times on its poster but that I hadn't heard anything about, What the Bleep Do We Know? I'm glad I decided to go out on a limb and watch What the Bleep...It makes me want to pore through books on quantam mechanics. Truly. I can't decide which book by which of the film's scientists to read first.
This film has such breath. And all of it is intriguing. Some of it is quite bizarre. I wish they had explained some things further and presented them in more depth. Like their assertion that two things can occupy two different places at the same time. I'd heard such a thing before, and I still can't grasp that concept.
I'd been thinking a lot about atoms and God, yes at the same time, lately so their discussions on them were timely for me. Hindus believe we are all part of God, that God is everywhere and is all things. That's one of the things I'd been pondering lately. That we are all one was a concept I had also been pondering, and I love the way the film approaches it. A quantum soup. They did a beautiful job of presenting that. Hit a grand slam there.
It took years before I could completely reconcile atoms with cells and other larger matter. The emptiness of atoms made it hard for me to accept that they were the building blocks of cells. It's like packing a galaxy into a nanometer.
I also love how they proposed and explained that one can be addicted to certain emotions. They took away all of the levity of the implications and presented them in an irreverential manner reminiscent of the title. The music and animations were hilarious. This is the second time that Robert Plant's Addicted to Love video has been parodied lately. First was my classmate's band's performance in 1985. Then came this film. I thought that Bowling for Soup were funny. This film took it all to a new level. Absolutely cracked me up! The little cell blobs were ingenious.
I definitely want to look further into the meditation and water crystals experiments. And so many of the concepts of quantum mechanics.
I like the fact that I'm not as scared of physics as I once was. Calculus and physics sometimes lost me in high school, but then again, I wasn't very motivated. Especially after I, and numerous other classmates, were accepted to college in December. We goofed off and exasperated the hell out of our teachers during the spring semester.
A few years ago I read a book that explained the physics behind the formation of tornadoes and was thrilled that I could understand it. Woohoo! As I've gotten older, I've wanted to read more and more about physics, but I just haven't gotten around to it.
A blog I read recently pointed out that once we say that something is unknown it is at once known. If we have given it any characteristics whatsover, then "it" is no longer an unknown. We can't say it's a mystery. We can't know what we don't know, but we do this all the time; we say that things are mysteries and make presumptions about them at the same time. That's incompatible. I wish that I had bookmarked that blog because his wording was far more comprehensible and well-written.
What the Bleep Do We Know? defies explanation. Truly does. Just go see it. Grasping a concept is one thing. Accepting it and believing it are another. This film pushed me to think and entertained me at the same time. That's the best compliment I can give it.

Mesmerized

There is almost nowhere I'd rather be than in an airplane looking out the window. Especially at night. On the flight out to Denver recently, I saw the luminous visages of Memphis and Birmingham. And delicate, illuminated bridges over the ominous black void of the Mississippi. On the way back, I saw lightning dancing on the tops of storms. My favorites parts of a flight are just before landing and the first few minutes after takeoff. That's when I can best envision the lights as being constellations. Make patterns out of the neighborhoods. "Look, there's a man running. And over there is a chimpanzee's face." It takes me back to the days of playing with a Lite Brite. Oh to be on a plane at night.

Proxy

A guy was sitting beside me. Laid his head on my shoulder for comfort and nuzzled into me. Then we kissed. It was amazing. Too bad he was in a dream. And, worst of all, he was a proxy.

Just What I've Always Wanted

Here's an email I received at work today. The subject heading is "We acquired softwer products for you and hemoglobin." I love the random words at the end of the email. Are they trying to impress me with their linguistic prowess? Well then, first they need to learn how to spell. How much for the "amadeus entity?" I'll take that with a side of hemoglobin. One can never have too much hemoglobin.
__________________________________
"Hi lt...@....edu!

We got good softwere for you at a resonaable coast.
Special Offer #1:
$80 Windows XP Professional+Microsoft Office XP Professional
And a loot mure. Take me

beginning chelate impressive blind. fabric address hondo ravenous tomorrow octoroon extraordinary snail signora.
nettlesome estate quietus chronograph propound. multiplication bluefish auerbach accidental transship brushwork admixture speculate ectopic approbation coeducation dyer.
corrigible anthracnose bulldoze amiss maryland fraught dissipate. cyclotron adulterate hydrogenate coltsfoot amadeus entity visigoth arkansas."

Superstitious

I went to the bookstore for a two-hour-long cheesy holiday meeting and then went ahead and gave K a call. Turned into a 3 1/2 hour conversation that didn't end until 1 AM. It was really good to talk to him. He still has so much enthusiasm for the little things in life, and I admire that. He is divorced and has gone through a really rough time. He tried really hard to keep the marriage afloat, and I have to respect that.
Some things he said really stood out. He said he went to Sanibel and Captiva islands again and rode a bike all day. I asked if he went kayaking again, and he said, "No, I wasn't with people who liked that kind of thing. You liked everything; you'd do anything. I thought, 'God, I miss her.'" When I told him about going to a New Orleans years ago, I mentioned that I went to a strip club for the first time ever. "I mean one for males, that is. Of course I'd already been to that one after you begged and begged." He said, "I'm sorry, yeah that was kind of jerky of me." I said, "I was just giving you a hard time. You know that didn't bother me one bit. The only thing that bothered me was that there wasn't anything for me to look at. Plus there was nowhere to look to avoid seeing naked women since there were mirrors EVERYWHERE." He said, "Yeah, I told everyone that 'Man, I had this girl. It was great. She didn't mind those kind of things. She was cool with it.'" Yeah, I didn't mind his going since he'd never been before. But if he had made a habit out of it, heck yeah I would have minded. Still, it was really flattering to hear him say all these things.
He said that there's been several times that he has told people how great the six months he lived in Orlando were. Yes, I said, I have to agree, they were great. I had just lost my dad three months before I met him and then I lost my stepmom two months later. When he moved in with me three months after I met him (man, did things move quickly), we had a blast. Spent weekends in Tampa, Daytona Beach, and Sanibel Island. He provided a shoulder to cry on when I needed it, but most importantly, he was spontaneous and loved to travel and try new things. We went everywhere - Disney World, kayaking, canoeing, gambling, dancing, comedy clubs, and more. I was having so much fun, and that's what I needed most. I've told everyone, including Brad, how lucky I was to have had him at that moment in my life. I had just moved back to Orlando and I only knew two people there, Sean and Brad, and Brad wasn't calling me. He thought I had his number, but I didn't. I hadn't rekindled my friendship with Sean quite yet. I was just hopelessly alone. Then along came this tourist who fell head over heels for me. Promised me all but the moon and the stars and swept me off my feet. He was so very sweet. And had such a good heart.
He really seems to be thinking about how good he once had it. Especially after being married to an "immature," "mean" girl who "got lonely" while he was working third shift and had a guy over who neighbors said spent the night. She said, "I just didn't want to be alone in the apartment." Yeah, right. If that WAS true, then grow up. I highly doubt it was true though. He put up with a lot of crap and gave her the benefit of the doubt so many times. I would have shot her. I'll give him credit there. He worked on staying together with her. I can't say that he did the same with me. I was thinking about bolting but didn't. And then out of the blue, while I was crying over the difficulty in getting a new car after mine was totalled, he walked in and didn't even ask why I was crying. Simply said he was going to move out in a couple of months when the lease expired. Simply gave me another reason to cry. And though I tried to get rid of him every day after that, he refused to budge. Those two months were just plain ugly. And to make it even more tortuous, he even cried over his decision as well, saying he didn't like what was happening. Said that he wasn't going to live with anyone before marriage again. I was bitter and especially hated all of the religious mumbo jumbo he threw at me. He was so judgmental. It took a long time for me to get over the anger. For so long, I was civil to him as much as I could be but was seething on the inside. It's nice not to feel any of those feelings anymore. It's so nice to have all of that behind us. He is a great guy, and I know we can remain friends. Just like we were before I cut off contact. And I didn't do that because of anything he was doing; it was all me.
It's really weird to hear him talking about being old and calling twenty-year-olds "kids." Man has time passed. I haven't seen him in six years. It's really hard to imagine his being thirty. Very hard. He was so young and naive when I met him. So inexperienced. He hadn't been on his own before. I'd been on my own for most of the last six years, since I was eighteen, when I met him. He was 22, and I was 24. There were a lot of differences. Our childhoods were polar opposites. I always thought things would have turned out differently if I'd met him when he was older, wiser, and more experienced.
That would be now. But I really shouldn't think about that. The particular timing of his contacting me and the gut feelings I had beforehand are making me feel really superstitious though. I'm not going to explain. Everyone would call me weird if I explained the superstitions. Just too strange.

Show Me The Money

Bookstore work and mystery shopping assignments brought in well over $200 this weekend. Then I got rid of a ton of CDs that I never listen to. I'd been meaning to get rid of them for awhile. That brought in $143. Extra money for Christmas and stuff - yeah!

I Am Woman, I Am Helpless

Best Buy can kiss my ass. An online promotional questionnaire used to have the option of responding that you were a wife and mother and wanted things to be made easy for you. I saw it with my own two eyes.

Misplaced Blame

I've had a love-hate relationship with God lately. I can't stand it when people say that God took someone because he had a special job for them or whatnot. The younger the person is, the more upset I get when I hear that. When a child dies, don't say that God meant for it to happen, that "he works in mysterious ways" or whatnot. I'm really not going to be happy with God if that's the case. Heck, I think Brad was too young to die, and he was 32. I thought my Dad was too young to die, and he was 53. I guess what it boils down to is this: don't say God took the person. Just say the person will now be with God. There's a big difference. It's somewhat irrational for me to get mad at God for someone's death, but screw it. I'm mad as hell. At God. And at the preacher who said it was God's plan in the first place.
It's also somewhat irrational that my friend's primary reason for not liking my ex-fiance' is that I moved away from her after we broke up, but I can still understand her logic. His criticism of me whittled away at the me she knew, and then the breakup completely took me away, both physically and mentally. I moved away to start over, and it took a long time before I was back to being me again. She looks at it like if things hadn't gone sour, I would have never moved away. I'll let her be mad about that. She still thinks he's a good person. And I still think God is good, but that doesn't mean I can't be really pissed off at the same time.

I Just Know...

I just know that my ex-roommate's mom is in the building today. I don't know who she is or what her name is, but I just know she's here. Taking part in an alternative medicine group's shindig. Wouldn't it be great if she sought me out and gave me the $600+ her son still owes me? Yeah, that'd be great. Screw her son.

New Links

Ok, I spent hours goofing off by clicking on "Next Blog." And I tell ya, most of the blogs out there suck. Just plain suck. It took forever to find anything even remotely interesting. I finally did find some gems. Coastal View, Dial-A-View, Evolution Kills, Feria Films, Leon, and Query Letters. Six out of over a hundred. Seriously. But they are great. It was worth it. Though I'm still sneezing, these needles were worth the dig through the haystack.

Like Eminem, I'm Back...Na Na Na Na Na Na

Well, I'm going back to work at the bookstore as seasonal help. I've always loved working in bookstores. Nothing compares to it.
Today and tomorrow I have thirteen-hour days at job number one. My evening libby is in a sunny clime. Friday night I work at the bookstore. Saturday I said I could work there, but I have a casino mystery shop to do. Oops.

MAXIMize your pleasure

A guy told me the other day that libbies are on the top ten list of Maxim's list of most wanted women. He said school teachers are number two. Well, well, well. Damn straight that libbies are cool. We're smart. And some of us are kinky. And creative as to locations and such. Hear, hear. Or shall I say, "Here? Like Ludacris would say, 'in the li____, on top of books, where you can't be too loud?' Hear, hear." ;)

Compassion by Peg

Compassion by Peg
I said good-bye to the past today
I sent it packing and on its way
A voice did warn
Of a path that's torn
And there it is best not to stay

I said no more in a stronger voice
I had too really, I have no choice
For if I remain
Then all stays the same
And the present will no longer rejoice

I said good-bye to the haunting tales
I blacked-out monsters and their maddening wails
Only brightness I see
Towering over me
And today I shall take off my veil - Peg

I love this poem, Peg. I retyped it here so I'd always have it near me. Hope you don't mind.

Katie

I've said it a million times, but I'll say it again. Katie's amazing! Our goofy conversations have no substance, but who cares? It'd been a long while since we'd had a conversation as goofy as last night's was. It was so good to talk to her.
I hit rock bottom last night. Absolute, positive rock bottom. I am such a doofus when it comes to certain things, and the thing I am most a doofus at needs to give me a queen doofus award. Oh well. As the talented Howard Jones would sing, "Things can only get better." Ain't that the truth.

Weekend

Friday night I went to Alive After Five at the KMA. Had won tickets on the radio during the jazz segment the evening before. The jazz band, Sidespin, was loud but enjoyable - when they weren't doing improvisations, that is. There were some very nice harmonies in the slow pieces. And their former bass player was very cute!
Also viewed the art. David S. Allee's photographs were pleasing but not remarkable. Michael Raedecker's depiction of a book using string was the only thing I really liked about his pieces. What the heck is hanging down in the water? Condoms attached to pubic hair? Weird. Very weird. The Chuck Close exhibit was very fascinating. I liked a colorful painting and rug of Lucas. An unusual medium marked my favorite piece, a waffle grid version of Phil. You could not tell that he had painted on the inside of a plastic grill when you stood far away from it. His attention to minutiae reminds me of Escher at times. Vincent joined me for a few minutes. I ran into Roger, a former professor at work, and Stephen, a friend of Mike's.
Saturday I worked and relaxed. Didn't feel good Saturday night. My stomach didn't like me. Sunday I did a mystery shop and played three games of Scrabble with Mike. Won one, lost two. Once again I had three bingos in one game - wasting, waspier, and ouTages. The t in outages was a blank. I'm lucky I saw outages since I was hung up on trying to play gaSeous. Didn't risk playing the bingo "weaponed," but it is a word - darn!
Saturday night I felt fine emotionally but not physically. Sunday was the opposite. I woke up and cried soon after. Ran around and did errands and then broke down again. Felt so lonely, worthless, and full of grief. Younger Matt told me that I'm strong, that I've been through a lot of shit. That I'm one "tough chick." I'm so grateful that he talked me through it all. Thanks little brother. There's nothing I hate worse than feeling weak.
Chaunda asked about hormones. Am I mid-cycle? Yes. She said that hormones are really out of whack then, what with egg releases and all. I didn't know that I could use that as a crutch. She cracked me up by saying that I could always blame it on PMS. After all, any time you aren't on your period, then you are technically premenstrual. Haha. I would use one of those excuses, but I know that there's more to it than that. I can't blame grief on hormones. I'd be downplaying the loss by simply blaming it on hormones. And this is a huge loss. Huge.

All because of chemistry?

I asked a student how she was doing.

She said, "I could kill over chemistry."

Then she said, "Good thing I'm homicidal, not suicidal."

Scary! Now I've felt homicidal over chemistry before...but not THAT kind of chemistry.

An Independent Film Festival

A few nights ago huge stuffed Berts and Ernies were laying around in my dream. Next I was driving and dodging their ten-foot-square heads and the stuffing on the highway.
A couple of nights ago I was kissing nipples in a dream. On men and women, but only on flat-chested women. They were all lined up and laying down. There's one more thing I remember, but that's all I'm going to say about that one.
In last night's dream, a guy I know just popped into town to stay with me for the next few days. I was sitting in his car outside my house, but the driveway was from my grandmother's house in Texas. I said I'd sleep in my car with him. In the driveway. I didn't want him to see the messy house. I drove him around and told him that he'd visited at the worst time of year. Though it's still green, the fall colors have recently waned. We drove through clearings, not down roads or paths. Now that I think about it, these scenes were similar to ones I'd seen in photographs of Romania two days ago. We went somewhere and saw my aunt and some other people. I called a man "Dad" and hugged him. He looked nothing like my dad. Then another man walked in, and I realized my mistake. He was my dad, but, once again, he looked nothing like my dad. When we left, the guy ran off to ring a bell in a bell tower. A bell tower with the interior exposed.
Ok, something's up. My brain is putting on a nighttime independent film festival. The strangest one I've attended in years. It's definitely an independent film festival...as I'm not sponsoring it. Would I really want to see what kinds of commercials I'd be left with anyway? :)
And who wants to bet that these kinds of things would stump a dream interpreter? I sure as heck don't know what they mean.

Phil Collins' Something Happened on the Way to Heaven

We had a life, we had a love,
But you don't know what you've got 'til you lose it
Well that was then and this is now
And I want you back
How many times do I have to say I'm sorry

How can something so good go so bad
How can something so right go so wrong
I don't know, I don't have all the answers
But I want you back
How many times can I say I'm sorry

You can run, and you can hide
But I'm not leaving 'less you come with me
We've had our problems but I'm on your side
You're all I need, please believe in me

I only wanted someone to love
But something happened on the way to heaven
It got a hold of me and wouldn't let go
And I want you back
How many times do I have to say I'm sorry

You can run, and you can hide
But I'm not leaving 'less you come with me
We've had our problems but I'm on your side
You're all I need, please believe in me

They say you can't take it with you
When you go
And I believe it
But taking what I've got or being
here with you, you know
I'd rather leave it

You can run, and you can hide
But I'm not leaving 'less you come with me
We've had our problems but I'm on your side
You're all I need, please believe in me

Sharon Will

Here's an interaction I had with a radiography student yesterday.
Student: "I need to find information on the Sharon Will accident."
Me: "What?"
Student: "The Sharon Will accident."
Me: "I've never heard of it." Thinking: "Who the heck is Sharon Will and how'd I miss the news of her getting zapped by radiation?"
Student upon grabbing piece of paper out of notebook: "Sher..."
Me: "Oh! Chernobyl. Do you mean Chernobyl?"
Student: "Yes."