Weekend

Friday night I went to Alive After Five at the KMA. Had won tickets on the radio during the jazz segment the evening before. The jazz band, Sidespin, was loud but enjoyable - when they weren't doing improvisations, that is. There were some very nice harmonies in the slow pieces. And their former bass player was very cute!
Also viewed the art. David S. Allee's photographs were pleasing but not remarkable. Michael Raedecker's depiction of a book using string was the only thing I really liked about his pieces. What the heck is hanging down in the water? Condoms attached to pubic hair? Weird. Very weird. The Chuck Close exhibit was very fascinating. I liked a colorful painting and rug of Lucas. An unusual medium marked my favorite piece, a waffle grid version of Phil. You could not tell that he had painted on the inside of a plastic grill when you stood far away from it. His attention to minutiae reminds me of Escher at times. Vincent joined me for a few minutes. I ran into Roger, a former professor at work, and Stephen, a friend of Mike's.
Saturday I worked and relaxed. Didn't feel good Saturday night. My stomach didn't like me. Sunday I did a mystery shop and played three games of Scrabble with Mike. Won one, lost two. Once again I had three bingos in one game - wasting, waspier, and ouTages. The t in outages was a blank. I'm lucky I saw outages since I was hung up on trying to play gaSeous. Didn't risk playing the bingo "weaponed," but it is a word - darn!
Saturday night I felt fine emotionally but not physically. Sunday was the opposite. I woke up and cried soon after. Ran around and did errands and then broke down again. Felt so lonely, worthless, and full of grief. Younger Matt told me that I'm strong, that I've been through a lot of shit. That I'm one "tough chick." I'm so grateful that he talked me through it all. Thanks little brother. There's nothing I hate worse than feeling weak.
Chaunda asked about hormones. Am I mid-cycle? Yes. She said that hormones are really out of whack then, what with egg releases and all. I didn't know that I could use that as a crutch. She cracked me up by saying that I could always blame it on PMS. After all, any time you aren't on your period, then you are technically premenstrual. Haha. I would use one of those excuses, but I know that there's more to it than that. I can't blame grief on hormones. I'd be downplaying the loss by simply blaming it on hormones. And this is a huge loss. Huge.